I’m again doing something stupid for charity

Hi-ho all,

( EXECUTIVE SUMMARY FOR FOLKS WHO HATE TO READ STUFF:  I’m riding against diabetes again; please donate! )

As many of you know, last spring I bought a ludicrously expensive bicycle in order to guilt myself into riding it and getting exercise so that I would lose weight and not die.  And, figuring that I needed all the motivation possible, I signed up for and did a 25 mile bike ride up in Napa for diabetes (1).  I sent out this request for donations because that’s what you do, and many of you were quite generous.

I’ve mentioned that my father was diagnosed with diabetes a few years ago, and it took a year or so for them to figure it out and then get him onto some drugs & diet to get it under control, and later my mother was all “I was afraid I was going to lose him”, and I was thinking, well, two things — number one, maybe you should have told me a bit earlier so that I could, you know, maybe actually have a conversation with him or something, and number two, great, if he did die you’d just want to come live with me and I fear you would drive me crazy, so perhaps a way to fix both of these items would be to get this whole diabetes thing under control and then #1, father wouldn’t be dead, and so #2, you could continue to live with him and not with me, and I would be less crazy.  Win-win, basically.

So, I signed up for this “Tour de Cure” (2) ride  up in Yountville last spring, and my sister-in-law Maureen also signed up, because she’s all fit and everything and wanted to mock me while we biked thru beautiful Napa Valley and I figured “Good; she can call 911 on the cell phone when I enter cardiac arrest around mile 15 or so.” We got up really early on a Sunday morning, and had waffles at the hotel***, and then we drove up to the actual starting point, and got our little numbers to pin on our clothes, and when I got to the actual start of the race I was all like, “Ok.  A bunch of people chipped in a bunch of money, and here I am on a bright Sunday morning awake much earlier than I ordinarily would be, about to ride much further than I’ve ridden in the past 20 or so years of my life”, and as we’re leaving everyone is cheering us on with “You are curing diabetes!” and other encouraging things, and then 25 miles later, as I’m biking uphill to the end ( into the wind, I’ll add ) they’re still chanting “You are curing diabetes” and “You’re riding for the cure” (4) and mostly all I can think is that I hope the feeling eventually returns in my legs, but at least we will have put this whole diabetes thing behind us.” (5)

So, flash forward 11 months, and Imagine my surprise when I find out that diabetes remains uncured.  Sure, there’s been some advances in the past year, but apparently after all that effort by myself and Maureen and all that money that everyone chipped in wasn’t quite enough.  I’m sure that somehow it’s my fault (6), because people kept shouting at me that I was curing diabetes, but mostly I was thinking “I’m just riding a bike, and poorly at that.” and also that curing diabetes should seem more science-y, perhaps with test tubes and pipettes and stuff.

Thus, when they gave me the opportunity to participate this year (7), in the same ride, my first thought was that I’d need to do something better than last year, since apparently I can’t cure diabetes merely by riding my bike twenty-five miles and asking many of my friends to donate money.  So, this year, I signed up to ride FIFTY miles, because if twenty-five isn’t going to do it, well, let’s go the extra mile (8), and doing the one hundred mile ride just seemed like it would kill me. (9) Heck, the fifty miles are probably going to kill me, because I haven’t really been on my bike at all for the past 6 months or so, especially since it’s been raining so much this spring. So I’ve essentially got about 2 weeks to get ready for this ride.  Maureen is coming again, and so she’ll be available to call emergency services, if needed.

And so, my friends, I’m again asking you if you can contribute to my bike ride campaign.  I’m not going to claim that you’re going to cure diabetes, but maybe if we get a nice pile of cash together we can figure out something small, but important, and if enough folks do that, folks with diabetes will live long and full lives and their wives won’t go live with their adult children in California.  If you’d like to contribute, click on the link below.

Click here for my Tour de Cure Personal Page for donations & news & stuff.  If you’d like to donate, they and I would hugely appreciate it.  If you’d rather send me a check or hand me cash, just reply and I’ll make it happen.  I’m told these donations are tax deductible, if that’s useful to you. (10)

1 –  Well, not “for” diabetes; technically they’re against it and raising money for research and stuff like that.

2 – Which by the way means ( I think ) “The Cure Tour” if you translate it into English, which doesn’t sound anywhere near as cool
3 – Because waffles are great.  And I liked the waffle maker thingy they had so much I went and ordered one on Amazon.  It totally rocks.
4 – They had quite the cheer squad, which must have been there for 5 hours or so because they were still chanting for the folks coming in much later in the day.
5 – Yes, I know this entire paragraph is just two really long run on sentences.  Just imagine I’m speaking them and it makes more sense.
6 – It’s because you were too sarcastic, Keith.  You are the reason diabetes wasn’t cured.
7 – They must not know that it was Keith’s fault this whole thing didn’t work out.  Nobody tell them; Keith really wants to do it again.  It was pretty.
8 – Or, extra twenty-five miles, in this case
9 – My friend Mark points out that If I just think of it as three 16 mile rides, separated by rest stops, it’s not as scary. (11)
10 – Someone said that I should offer “prizes” for folks who donate, so here goes:  I will read the name of every donor on my stupid tv show, unless you don’t want to admit that you know me, in which case it will cost you an extra $10.  🙂
11 – Of course, a sixteen mile ride also sounds scary.  And three of them in one day?  Wicked scary.